I'll show those librarians who's boss.
Yes, you read that right. In Boise, Idaho, 74 yr. old Joy Cassidy has finally been arrested by police. Since May 2009, she has poured various condiments ranging from maple syrup to ketchup into a library book drop. My question is why? I can’t even come up with anything humorous because I’m just befuddled by her actions.
If you know a trick driver, don’t let them drive while eating pork rinds. In Blaine, Washington, a Fed-Ex truck driver choked on spicy pork rinds, causing him to lose control of the vehicle, jackknife, and come to a stop in a muddy ditch. The driver only sustained minor injuries. I think he should get a ticket for driving under the influence of spicy pork rinds. Rinds and driving are a deadly combination. I can already hear moans from the audience.
Out of New Zealand, after witnessing the brutal killing and butchering of a domestic pig, a man’s dog jumped onto a loaded rifle, located in the back of a vehicle, shooting his owner, who was sitting in the backseat, in the buttocks. Yes, I just got that into one mammoth and potentially confusing sentence, but I’m going with it anyway. Now, this is not the first time that a dog has shot its owner. Perhaps, dogs may seem all nice and a bit stupid, but they are just waiting to get their revenge. Put a loaded weapon near them and they’ll take aim.
Little do they know that their livers are being damaged.
Grand Lake St. Mary’s, Ohio’s other Great Lake, has become massively polluted from fertilizer and manure contamination coming from local farms. The pollution has prompted the rapid growth of toxic algae that can cause rashes, vomiting, and liver and nerve damage. The lake has also acquired a smell that mixes the splendid fragrances of gasoline and manure. Dead fish have washed up on the shores, but yet the beaches have not been closed. I say keep them open. It might be a good way to dispose of an annoying relative.
Annoying relative: “Gosh the water has a funny smell and color. Are you sure it’s safe to drink?”
Potential killer: “Sure drink it up. I’ve heard that it has healing properties.”
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"You've been having sex, haven't you?"
In Vietnam, a woman well-versed in giving virginity tests to males deemed three convicted rapists not guilty, since they had never had heterosexual sex. Through her protestations, the case was reopened. It was discovered that the men did not have a fair trial and were subsequently released. Back to the virginity test, Pham Thi Hong believes that if a man has a red spot behind his ear that he is a virgin. The red spot only goes away if he has heterosexual sex and is not affected by masturbation or homosexual intercourse. I think we should ship that woman over here and use her services. She could give virginity tests to the remaining Jonas brothers and even Bieber. Wouldn’t that be great!
What can I even say, but that Germans are nuts. In Berlin, Paul the Octopus has correctly prognosticated the winner of all of Germany’s game this year. Now, this works by someone placing a muscle inside a block that houses the flag of Germany and its contender. Then, Paul shows which team will win by eating its muscle. This time he took his time with his prediction which has led his handlers to believe that tomorrow’s game might go into overtime or penalty kicks. So take it from Paul Germany will win tomorrow. I now fear for the Germans and their sanity.
In Scottsdale, AZ, Thomas Zeller has decided that to insulate his organic garden he needs hundreds of full trash bags and tires. Raining on his parade and making him feel like an “international criminal,” a judge has decided that he must clean up the trash heap. How can a judge take away Thomas’ right to insulate? I ask you that.
Sexy!
I assume that a lot of bodybuilders aren’t reading this site. Let’s be honest barely anyone is reading this blog right now. Anyway, for all you bodybuilders and the lovers of them, consumer reports tested major protein mixes for the heavy metals arsenic, cadmium, mercury, and lead. Many had varying amounts of these heavy metals, but two by EAS Myoplex and Muscle Milk Powders (just like mother’s milk) had the highest incidences of the metals. What can we learn from this? Eat real food. I know it’s crazy advice.
Add 30 yrs.
In Salem, OR an angry old man upset because someone stole his drill chased another man around a taco stand while wielding a machete. It was imperative that I wrote that all in one sentence. Is there something wrong with old people lately? Supposedly, there’s an old man (although that is up for debate) robbing banks in California, and now one running around with a machete. What I’ve learned from this is fear the elderly.
Add some kids, a stroller, and some alcohol and we've got the guilty party.
In Ypsilanti, Michigan, a drunk couple were discovered pushing around a stroller filled with their two young boys, open bottles of alcohol, and a double-sided bayonet. Is there something wrong with that combination? I guess when the award-winning mom tried to steal a bike off a porch a silly cop came around and busted up all of the fun.
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